Tuesday, September 12, 2006
finally... gonna let it all go... =)
okaes... i'm finally ready to let all these go with a relax heart.... firstly i wanna say sorry to someone becos it's time for me to move on with my life le... as of end aug or rather early sept.... i have ended it with her... finally a full finale... it has been a heart wrenching one... although it didn't start at all but i noe it had as for me... but i have to let it go due to personal reason... it has been a full 4 months of joy, fun and enjoyment but there's also hurt, pain and suffering... it was also a very tense period of my life...
it has realli been a time tat everything was not realli going my way but i still hanged on to it.... it has realii been a time tat i felt that the onli feeling i had was hanging on a thread... i dunno why but i still carried on... there was of course nice things that happen lyke we went out and had fun together and things lyke tat...
it was all part of it but the hurt was also there de... i cant deny but it was an equal share of pain and joy.. but it dawned on me recently tat is it becos all along it has been just one-sided??? it was realli a pain to carry on w/o a signal... i have been thru tat so i can tell... now i've learn abt it le... i've realli learn a valuable lesson... it is realli so painful tat it will take a long time to heal but i will not let history repeat itself... becos if i allow tat den i would be dumb... to err is human but to repeat a mistake is stoopid... so i wont allow myself to go back to the same old life...
i'm realli grateful to this person tat had allowed me to take a greater look at this world.... you allowed me to grow up and learn that this world has so many things out there... so i dun have to be stuck there all my life... thanks.... i'm realli gonna start a new league of my life le... i'm no longer gonna bounded by it and i'm no longer getting stuck and i can move on le... this is something tat i have been longing to do... i've always said tat i wanna do but i cant but now... I WILL AND I CAN...
this has been a saying that i always wanna say and now i'm able to establish it in my walk of life... this life has been a roller coaster for me and i think it's time i get down and take control of my life... cos it's time for me to get serious with things... i wanna thank everyone who has been with me thru this "journey" and all those who comforted me even though they dunno anything abt it... thanks guys and gals... this has nv been a stand tat i'm able to make but now i'm realli able to let it all go and just treat it all as an experience learnt...
i've cried over this matter becos it realli matters a lot to me... becos all these months i have put in has realli been a great time that i have known myself... i noe tat it was a very beautiful memory but everything would have to end here... it may have been a one-sided thing these few months but i noe i was realli happi these few months... although there were sad times but i realli feel the joy during this times...
i hope it would not end but i will regret it but it had ended... now i will just move on... although i noe deep down i still love her but i will have to deal with it myself... this has realli been hard for me to take it but i'm strong... i will be able to take it in my stride... all this is a part and parcel of my life... i have realli learn a lot that all these are just an experience that will help me grow and mature up...
lyke a song that has realli tok abt how i feel would be aretha franklin's "think"... becos it says freedom... this is wad i wads hoping and now i'm realli free... another song would be journey's "open arms" becos i'm realli receiving things with an open arms le.... i think this is the first time ever that i'm finally enlightened... lol...
i realli wanna say a big sorry to her becos i noe i have given you a lot of heart-ache and heart-pain too... i also noe that i've hurt you many times and i noe i'm not a good guy... i'm not the one for you ba... i realli hope you will find the perfect guy that you're looking for and no matter who is that... i will give you my blessing... this is the onli thing i can do for you le... i will realli wish you all da best and may you live a life of happiness and i will be happy for you...
_ with regrets and love =aH_kEL=..._aBt the second thing... it's abt the bad news that i received that i've been trying to cope with this few days... i'm realli very sad and realli disappointed with it and i realli dunno wad went wrong but i'm finally over it... and i'm ready to blog and tok abt it le...
i receieve a news from my friend on sunday night tat i've been eliminated from New Urban Male(NUM)... i noe some of you may think it's something i did wrong that caused this rite.. seriously speaking i didn't do anything wrong... and i nv receive any news from them and i onli knew it thru my friend... haix... i dunno why it will be lyke tat but nvm...
i realli treasured this job a lot as it's my first every retailing job and i realli treasure it alot... i also treasure the pple there lyke of cos eric(my bro), firdaus, franklin, ben, han loong, kevin, augustine, calvin, jia jie, lawrence, derrick, cedric... you guys are realli very nice to me and i realli treasure your friendship... i realli hate to leave but i'm not given a choice to choose.... and to eric... thanks for bringing me in and taking care of me for so long... i'm realli thankful...
when i receive the news i was realli very disappointed... i was thinking thru as in did i do anything wrong to deserve it... and i was thinking tat mebbe it's something i did wrong ba... which i dunno wad it is... mebbe i was suited for this job and i shldn't have intervied for it... i'm realli very sad tat this job would end up that i dunno why i'm no longer being wanted by them... mebbe it;s becos i'm not suited or can fit into this job ba... i actually feel so bitter tat now i dun even dare to go to num becos i'm afraid to face the boss and also i'm afraid of pple asking me why i'm no longer working there... becos i myself dunno why... i feel so upset over this and i feel so useless that why i cant even keep this job... it's a job that i lyke and i cant keep it... wad a failure...
this has realli teached me something.... everything happens for a reason and sometimes it's better tat we dont noe the reason would be better for us... i noe it's not worth feeling so bad and sad over this but i realli loved this job... the pple there are so friendly and willing to teach... i've tried my best to learn fast le... but just tat i'm slow in learning and is that something wrong?? i nv knew tat i would receive a silent retrenchment... i expected it that my time will be up there but i nv knew it would end so fast and also i nv knew it to be a silent one... this sux...
this has realli been a big ordeal that i nv expect it to come one after another... this two matters has caused me to think thru my life... is it something tat's wrong with my character or wad that is realli so wrong that everything arnd me is going wrong and it's always not going my way... i realli think it's something tat's wrong with me... haix... why everything must happen to me at the same time... i'm realli very sad tat all these has happen but i will be strong... i wont be defeated by all these... i will nv be so easily be beaten by all these... i will be strong and i will work hard to change so it would not happen again... all these has happen for a reason... mebbe it's somthing God wans me to learn... i will hope to learn it....
this post has realli been a feeling that wad's going on with me... i noe i've troubled many of you with these 2 problems... i hope i will be a different person from now and wont trouble you all le.. this 2 matters has fully ended and i will just leave them there and i will nv reach back and pick it up... i've learnt tat everything has happen for a reason and i will accept my fate and resign to it... God has blessed me and i noe he will prepare a better one for me...
_with much regret and love =aH_kEL=..._
