Thursday, November 30, 2006
here i am to update again... because this is the onli thing i can do to help me relax... becos i haven been able to relax and stay cool unless i'm blogging... life has been wierd for mi... cos i have been feeling a bit wierd and also empty... i dunno why but i feel lyke there's something that is lacking from my life and it's making mi feel wierd... i just dunno wad it is and i also dunn wanna noe wad it ise becos i'm afraid i mebbe will regret it.... dunno but things seems to be falling apart from my life... i dunno why but things are lyke slowly ripping off from my life book and it's lyke becoming more and more plain... mebbe becos i'm just a bored guy with nothing and just a stoopid and also dumb idiot... doing many things that pple may not lyke and everything on my own accord... mebbe it's just a one-sided thing from mi ba... just lyke everything i'm doing now... just a one-sided thing in everything i do and always just one party and the another party/parties are either ignoring mi or have fall out with mi... i feel lyke an idiot and a fool... i realli hate myself... i dunno why i'm so dislyked by everyone... haix... mebbe i'm just a stoopid fool ba... who gets on everyone's nerve... mebbe i'm just meant to be someone normal and common to everyone ba... i shldn't be close to anyone or whoever.. i'm causing stress to many many pple... i'm just a sickening person who just bothers and stress other pple up... haix... todae.. i had to go to sch early... didn't have a good night or rest becos of some personal reasons... den went to sch and did proj... den have a bit of fun with kor, darl and esther... haha... den after that in the afternoon... when most of them went for lunch... i had wad i think was a low blood attack cos i suddenly felt so giddy tat i had to lie down and rest for a while... it didn't go away until arnd 5.30/6pm... it was so so painful cos i was also having headache.. den went home and tok to didi a while at the bus-stop... den when at home... at the time i was getting ready to eat, it occurred again... i felt so giddy tat i just stood thr and my dad had to bring mi a chair to sit... think i'm realli very weak... so weak that i'm always unwell and stoopid... dunno why but think i'm realli so weak and useless... haix... my health has been getting worst and worst... dunno why but since that thing happen... i have not been in the best of health but the worst... have been acting a strong front in front of many pple but deep down... i'm weak and soft and not as strong as i look and am... cos i was just acting and not showing the real mi... think it's not good to hide my feelings but in order to allow others to be happi... it's one way that i gotta do and to see pple happi... just seeing pple happi, whether i will be sad or unhappy or unfair wouldn't make a diff becos at least i can see them smile... mebbe they will misunderstand mi but as long as i can see them smile and be happi... i think it's worth it... so many decisions to make.... haix... Is it realli so hard just to please pple?? why everyone just cant accept mi for who i am???think it's time everyone gotta have an end and a start... so think i realli have no chioce... many things i realli dun wish it to be lyke that but i gotta do it or leave it lyke that becos i have no hold over it... so think i realli have to noe how to draw a line ba... gotta go do assignment le... dun think will update soon ba...
